Hi-ello!!! :)
13 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: holy spirit, new covenant, prophetic words
So after neglecting my blog for… two-thirds of one year. Wow. That’s a long time. I’ve actually “changed ages”. lol.
So. I was “struck’ by the urge to… blog. Actually I’d just been writing something… and it occurred to me to post something on my blog. 
. I know, I know, you, dear indulgent reader, are beyond thrilled to FINALLY see SOMETHING from me! In fact, you would totally hug me now, if you could… okay I’ll stop now. lol.
Are you wondering why I don’t sound slightly depressed? Because… unfortunately, many of my older posts were written when I was in… the bathos. Unfortunately… I have had this tendency to be quite the emotional yo-yo. And I’m hopefully maturing out of it. Hopefully.
So. I have enjoyed a half-year of being taught by Lord Holy Spirit Himself (or at least, coming to realize I was being taught by Him). Okay… I don’t think I know Him that well. But He is rather cool.
I’ve FINALLY begun to learn… the basics of the New Covenant. The stuff in Romans, Galatians, Colossians, Hebrews… I think it is SOOO cool that He has done EVERYTHING… and I no longer have to carry around the weight of sin-consciousness. EVERYTHING I hear or learn is submitted to the Holy Spirit… and He helps me sift, and discern, and cling to what is good… A problem I’m having is, well, prophetic words that sound “Old Covenant”, that make me go “huh? is that You? teach Thou me, i pray Thee, for Thy daughter does not yet understand, and is, she fears, slow of hearing…” Okay I don’t talk like that. Duh. lol.
So… about 2 seasons ago, I went through what I would,in hindsight, call preparation for the preparation that I am currently undergoing. 
. I know, that sounded odd.
So, in those days, I was fasting… quite often. And I’m afraid I was the Epitome of the Long-Faced Fasting Person. Certain friends of mine could always tell that I was fasting. I was physically weak, and I complained to God… and from time to time I had bad breath. Apparently in those days, I was being prepared for… whatever I’m going through now.
In these days… I have noticed a greater depth of understanding of the written Word. I know He gave it. If I’m boasting… it’s in Him, and His gift, and His goodness in giving to me. It is so cool, to have God be like “yeah, I’ma teach you”… at this point I don’t really trust people anymore, and I hate bad doctrine… maybe because a lot of it (all of it?) is demonic. If you’re beginning to lift an eyebrow… it’s not arrogance. ”Let God be true…”
One example… in the choir we were doing this “jammin’” song, “The Blessing of Abraham”. And one night, when I cam home after practice, He taught me about it. ^_^. I think it’ll be really cool, when we’re all together in the Kingdom, and Abraham finally gets to meet all his children, after cheering for us with the other witnesses… i wonder if he knew he’d have black kids.
So now I’m a little imbalanced in favour of the NT (I used to read mostly the OT… not so much these days)… and I’m hoping to learn how to see Jesus in the OT… and interprete the OT in light of the finished work of the Cross.
I realize that a lot of what I’ve been learning is actually really basic stuff, that’s about as clearly spelled out in the Bible as the Holy Spirit could manage, lol. But a lot of Christians don’t know it. And I still haven’t heard it preached from any pulpit in a church service that I was actually present at. The first time I SAW Romans… I was stunned. I went, “But People Don’t Know This!” Some of us have been in the Kingdom for years… and don’t know “the basics”. Sad. And it can be… not-so-encouraging when people don’t accept the truth because, well, they’ve believed “such-and-such” their whole lives.
And then having to stay humble and teachable… and knowing that I am taught so I can teach. :/.
So. On the flip side. This season, I have finally begun to understand concepts like “trial” and “affliction”. lol. God said He was training me and I went “okay, cool”. Then later… I began to wonder why the “ordeal’ lasted as long as it… has. (It ain’t ova’, yo. lol.) Now? Focusing on Jesus hasn’t been easy. In fact a lot of the time, I… haven’t. (I am confessing my sins to you, that I may be healed. lol.)
And I have to admit that… He has never failed. Duh. Last week, He “opened up” Romans 8 a little, so I could see it better. The ”take-home message”? I can’t lose. God is on my side… and He always tips the scale. . It’s funny… I semi-arrived at that conclusion when I was looking at Jesus in Rev 19… but He is always kind enough to remind me when I forget. btw, ALWAYS KEEP A JOURNAL. Write down EVERYTHING you learn. Hab 2:2.
So. I think it’s “cool” how every one of us goes through our own “custom-made” trials… all different, but the same basic format and layout. lol. Our ”heroes of faith” all had “prototypes” of what to expect… on Saturday, two friends of mine agreed that ”when you think it can’t get any worse… it does.” But… our temporary, light afflictions, prepare for us an eternal weight of glory beyond comparison… 2 Cor 5, and other scriptures about “trial”, “affliction” , “endurance” and related terms, came alive to me like never before.
And while God never tempts, He is faithful, and will not allow…
And no temptation will ever “take” you except what is common to man…
And if you ask, He’ll give you wisdom…
And no matter how bad it gets, you won’t break , because God is Bawss. 2 cor 5. lol.
And you will probably go through your trial “alone”, i.e. other human beings might be aware that you’re “going through”… but it’s your trial, not theirs. Of course He is with you… and He is [more than] enough. (Think Jesus in the wilderness… and in Gethsemane.)
(*in Psalm 55:7-8, it would seem that the wilderness is… a good place to be. Well if He says it I believe it. lol.)
I often joke that a trial can’t last more than 40 years (seriously, it’s totally biblical… ) But I really don’t want mine to last that long. LOL. (I can’t even imagine being that age. I stand on His Word, that He renews my youth like the eagle’s. Therefore I will not age. I, as a son of God, am not subject to the elements and laws of the universe… I have died to them, and I live to Him. I will not age. I believe it, and so it will be to me, to the glory of God. )
I think this blog post has actually been me encouraging myself in the LORD… I actually have better perspective now than I had, say, 3 hours ago.
I want to see how this will all work out… how He will show Himself mighty in my midst… the God of peace will soon crush Satan under my feet.
Oh. I wanted to mention. Did you know the word for “receive” actually means “take/lay hold of’? In our Kingdom, receiving is not a passive action… through faith, we lay hold of the promises…
I love how I actually get revelation when I’m busy digging around in etymology… e.g. the word “eidolatria” and Psalm 106:20/ Rom 1:23…
Eph 3:14-19 over you in Jesus’ Name. Amen.
So if you have the odd prayer request… send it in.
10 Apr 2011 Leave a Comment
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and good understanding have all who practice it.
The love of the LORD, I fear, is the beginning of a sort of, well, stupidity.
Of course I’m joking. It’s just… He’s love. He’s quite wonderful. He makes people love Him. He makes you grateful, to be loved, esteemed even, by Him. He gives and has given so much that He makes you want to give… and then you pray prayers and sing songs like “Take my life, and let it be| Consecrated, Lord, to Thee”, “Have Thine Own Way”, or, the new favourite in my church, “I Give Myself Away”. Like, asking Him to make you holy, like Him. Or promising that you’ll give Him everything… promising to lay down your puny little life for Him, like He laid His down for you. He tells you, “you’re not dirty. I have made you clean, I’ve made you whole. You are son, brother, bride, friend. “
He says, “Ask and you will receive”. Can I say that He doesn’t lie. Duh.
Anyway. I was thinking about how asking Him for certain things is, well, a death sentence.
Like how, He proved to me a few months ago that He has not forgotten a single word of every prayer I’ve ever prayed… and I don’t think my memory goes that far back. Like, He got someone to repeat my exact words… on more than one occasion.
So, if I tell Him I want a pair of shoes, no probs. Such a tiny, trivial thing… but it’s a little not-easy to find a pair of cute heels in size 42…
And when I think about the little stuff like that, it makes me wonder… What about the other prayers? About consecrating me to Him no matter the cost, about completely transforming my heart till it was One with His, about making me an equally-yoked bride? He is faithful, and He is holy, and I’d better believe He will do it. Though, sometimes I think He’d look at me and say “You know not what you ask.”
E.g. sharing in His holiness requires chastisement. And it’s not exactly easy to fix your gaze on the Joy set before you… but, well, I am glad that He’s made it so much easier. He has been so faithful… He hasn’t let me go, and sometimes I wonder if I’d still be “with Him” in slightly different circumstances. Would I prove to be, like my pastor preached about today, the stony heart… tall growth with shallow roots. Would I still be in this place of knowing that He loves me, and He’s committed to me, and that He is who He says He is, if He hadn’t taken the trouble to keep sending me encouragement in different forms, week-to-week, day-to-day, month-to-month? (Is it really worth it to focus on this person called “me” and all that’s wrong with her… when I could be looking to Him?)
It’s odd… I know I have definitely been falling short… but I’m not 100% sure exactly what to do… and I’ve found that sometimes He’d say something and I’d be dense-and-clueless and not get what He was saying till later. And I find that it’s good to write down what I get ASAP.
I am grateful… for His love (which is sometimes expressed as a rebuke, but, well, I think I’ve become slightly obsessed with being rebuked …), for Him, His Word, His Blood, His Spirit, His Life. For brothers and sisters in Him; I LUHV my church family. And someday, I will come to love the entire Body of Christ. Amen.
Over the past several months, I’ve seen myself be foolish, immature, stubborn, disobedient, selfish, stingy… and I’ve seen Him be wise, kind, generous, patient, faithful, unyieldingly true, firm, generous… it just occurred to me that I’m actually attempting to describe Someone I actually barely know and could never comprehend with my human mind. Only with the mind of Christ. Only when 1 Cor 13:12 happens. For now, I know just enough to make people who don’t know Him at all think I know Him very well. .
So. In answer to my other question. No. Man does not live by bread alone, but on every word (rhema) that proceeds out of the mouth of God. If He decided to go totally silent on us, we’d die. But He is always speaking, praise Him. The only people who seem “alive” without His Word are those whose spirits have not been, well, made righteous, to begin with. Well, that’s my opinion. But I know FOR SURE that if He hadn’t continued to beckon me, draw me, speak to me by any means necessary… I’d be goodness-knows-where by now. A good church family doesn’t hurt either.
21 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
Honestly…
I feel like:
1. God sometimes looks at me, shakes his head and thinks, “Honestly, child, people say you’re intelligent. But they haven’t seen you in action.” Or something like that.
2. Angels wonder what He sees in us (in me). Like, do they ever look at us and go : “Seriously? The Father decided to make them His sons, and co-heirs with the Son? Like, these not-so-intelligent people are going to judge us someday? And we actually have to serve them? Oh dear.”
Not saying that He’s mean, or anything… but if even I have seen how silly I can be… just imagine what He sees.
Honestly… over the past several weeks, I have been a yo-yo. For example, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone to church depressed, and then left depressed, and positively about-to-drown in self-pity. Today, I was depressed in the morning, okay just before church, then depressed after church.
Normally, I’m one of those annoyingly-always-happy people.
Now… I should probably be quoting Nehemiah 8:10… but… maybe I’m just lazy. It’s so bad, part of me thinks someone else wrote my other happy-happy-I-love-the-Lord-so-much blog posts. For a short while, I kept telling Him “I’m tired. I don’t think You really want me to be saying that, but, I’m tired.” Singing from my heart was difficult to impossible. At least, I thought it was. Also tired of fasting. Honestly… there were a lot of reasons to dig a pit, fill it with self-pity and sit down there. And then turn the pit into a swimming pool, fill it with more self-pity, and do a nice, leisurely backstroke in it. And I’ve been doing that for a while.
Because… I’ve had an ISSUE. Well, He doesn’t see it that way. He sees it as an obstacle I can totally handle. I’m trying to see it that way too. . So… this issue has been there for… almost a year now. I have cried, wept, begged Him to take it away… and then had Him tell me He’d do it… through me. It’s like, our little project.
I should be happy that He’s been so kind, and reassuring… and there have been a few rebukes along the way… and I really want it to be over… but the problem is always on my side of the inequality/equation, so… 
And I realized today: I am grateful that I’ve survived the past almost-one-year. Everyone’s thorn-in-my-side is different, probably customized.
I used to think I would be celibate. Now I don’t really care. BTW, this has nothing to do with the last few paragraphs.
I just… I think this post is more… human, than my other posts, sort of.
It’s funny. I got to a point where I realized I didn’t even know why I was still showing up at church, choir practice and Bible Study. It didn’t have very much to do with Him any more. It was just… duty. And, habit. And, not wanting to answer too many questions about why I wasn’t in church. And crying in church, not because I was having an encounter with the LORD, but because I was tired, depressed, and feeling sorry for myself.
And I think I should admit that at this point, I don’t know who Jesus is to me. I’ve heard, read, been through ___ in the past few months. A lot of it is probably my fault. But. I laugh in Hungarian, like my friends would say. I need to start fasting again, yay. God broke my previous record, YAY! But now… I kinda want to set a new record… but I’m not sure that it’s “the point”, per se.
Apparently, now is when I need to stand on His Word(s).
I have a test tomorrow… I was actually contemplating not going for it… but now I’m staying awake the whole night… I don’t think it’s a good thing to do, but I do it every-now-and-then, nonetheless.
I know. He’s always there. He does not lie nor repent. I have A LOT to be thankful for. I’m just… wanting this chapter to end. :S
20 Nov 2010 Leave a Comment
Uh…
I’m alive.
If you’ve been visiting this blog… I’m sorry…
“Nothing to post”, as usual…
God is still being really good to me.
Uh… yes.
I am… full of gratitude… over how much He’s done in me… we don’t have a very long history together, but we have one, praise Him. I can actually see the difference in my blog posts…
Well. My theology has definitely evolved. And He can modify it as much as He wants to…
For example… I expect Him to speak to me. Apparently He actually likes me. . And… I like to ask Him… Questions. “Call to me”, He says, “and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things which you have not known.” Because… we are friends…
It’s been just two-and-a-half years… and then, subtracting the amount of time I was, er, “unserious”… about two, or maybe one-and-a-half… or one year and nine months…
I know that… He is always good. It sounds clichéd… but it’s true. I know that… chastisement isn’t nice… but then, I said I wanted to be holy…and His chastening is proof that I am a son in whom He delights.
I love Him because He first loved me. Because He’s patient with me… because He always has been. Because He inclines His ear to me. He loves me. He’s love. That’s what it all more-or-less comes back to. It’s the reason for the Cross, the reason the Word, the Beautiful Son, became flesh, and was slain. Jesus loved me before He died. That’s why… even when I trip, fall, stumble, I can go back to Daddy… He loves me. He wants me. Actually… I know Him a little better now than I did, say, a year ago… and I’m actually even more aware of how inadequate I am… but His strength, His power is enough. (I’m actually preaching at myself now…)
There’s more to be shed, and laid down, and burnt away. Fine. I have been made His righteousness, and I’m seated with Him, in heavenly places, all in Jesus.
And… apparently He sees me… bigger than I see myself. That’s why He let…never mind.
It’s quite ironic that in what I though was the worst season of my life, He broke the orphan spirit off me… He’s amazing that way.
At the moment… I am anticipating/dreading fasting for longer periods of time… and hoping/trusting that He’ll purify my motives for fasting… BTW, I’ve noticed… when people start giving me bad/terrible advice, it’s Him telling me “be quiet, sit down, ask Me, and wait for My answer.”
In all my inadequacy, et cetera… He loves me. He thinks I’m lovely (I am made in His image and likeness, so… ). And apparently, He longs to make His power perfect in my weakness, to tell me His secrets… even though I wake up late, don’t know the whole Bible, haven’t memorized enough Scripture, can’t tame my tongue (the Bible says no man can)… He see me perfect. I am perfect. I am not ”fallen man”. I am a son. I am loved, like Jesus.
(Right now,I’m listening to something… and it’s, uh, inspiring me a little.)
And… it just makes me thankful that His Perfection more than outweighs imperfection…
My soul is decidedly in better shape than it was two years ago.
Daddy loves Jesus like Daddy loves me like Jesus loves me. And the Spirit of YHWH lives in me.
And… when you think you’re seeking Him…He’s pursuing you. Remember, He loved you first.
If you’ve been secretly hoping I’d finally post something… I hope you’re happy. 
12 Sep 2010 Leave a Comment
So… He has confirmed it. He weighs more. And He has quite the sense of humour… I seem to “encounter” that more and more these days…
The point, as far as I understand it , is, “Trust in Me with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding; in *all* your ways acknowledge Me and I *will* direct your paths.
Duh.
Sometimes the Word is so obvious.
How come we don’t see it???
Thank GOD for His Holy Spirit.
It’s so… utterly awesome to be adopted by the Almighty, Magnificent GOD of the Universe… I still can’t wrap my mind around it.
So… the fasting-and-separation thing is… definitely a priority, even though I’m… “busy with school”. Aw mehn.
I must be about my Father’s business.
So… I’m finding out that… as I surrender… the more I believe His Word (over, say, personal experience), the more my life begins to line up with His Word. E.g. I shouldn’t expect Him to use me to heal people if I’m walking in sin (“… Depart from me, you workers of evil…”)
Oh… and in case you’re one of those people who asks questions like, “Does God really speak to people?” Yes. He does. [Duh.] Even when you’re unaware… even through your life’s circumstances… sometimes you only realize it in retrospect. And… He’s funny. Of course, that doesn’t in any way lessen His Holiness and general… Awe-someness.
And He cares. He’s always watching you, listening to your thoughts… He loves you. And He already made the way for you to come to Him… through His precious, beautiful Son… who actually promises that if you love Him, and obey Him, He and the Father will love you, make their home with/in you… and Jesus will manifest His Wonderful Self to you.
Ah. Yes. An insight I got today that I just *have* to share.
I used to wonder why circumcision (of the prepuce) had to be the sign of the Old Covenant. Seriously. I asked Him, Why circumcision?
And this evening, something clicked… thank the Holy Spirit.
I was watching a P4CM Lyricist Lounge video, “Silence is Deadly”. And it began to make sense… well, some of it… not everything…
Next stop: the Word.
“The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” – Luke 6:45, Matthew 12:35.
“So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit.” -Matt 7:17 (see 15-23, even 24-27, 28-29)
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”- Proverbs 18:21.
Proverbs 12:14 and 13:15 both talk about the fruit of a man’s mouth. “A man will be satisfied with good by the fruit of his words, and the deeds of a man’s hands will return to him.”
And:
“Circumcise yourselves to the LORD; remove the foreskin of your hearts, O men of Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem; lest my wrath go forth like fire, and burn with none to quench it, because of the evil of your deeds.” – Jeremiah 4:4
“Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no longer stubborn.”- Deuteronomy 10: 16 (see 12-22)
So, what is your heart? (GOD has one; Genesis 8:21)
“Watch over your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” – Proverbs 4:23
The NAS Concordance defines the Hebrew word as the inner man, will, mind, heart.
In some Bible translations, “mind” and “heart” are somewhat… interchangeable. From the above, and other verses in Proverbs and Psalms… I’d say your heart is… your “emotional centre” (duh), where you meditate, form purposes, intention… you get the point.
Well, whatever your heart is full of, is reproduced, or “birthed”, or brought to fruit(ion) through your mouth. The words of your mouth are fruit of the abundance of your heart. GOD conceived the Universe in His Heart, then made it by speaking it into existence. And human beings made in His image and likeness, do the same thing. When you’re “in tune’ with His heart, you can partner with Him by decreeing His purposes, thus bringing them to fruition.
Psalm 119:11. When your heart is filled with His Word, what comes out? (Prayer… real, effective, answer-guaranteed prayer.)
Deut 11:18(-25)
Selah.
Jesus loves you. He doesn’t just want you to be a slave. He wants you to be a friend (after you learn to obey Him, of course.)
Have a wonderful week.
